Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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