i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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