Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
