I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
