I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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