Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
