And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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