You really coming over, don't trick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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