I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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