The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
