I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
