He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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