12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
