It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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