so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
