Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
