He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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