My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
