The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
