he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
