Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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