i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
