I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
