Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
