Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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