GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
