she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
