"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
