would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
