my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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