Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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