cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
