Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Houston, we have a squirter
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
