i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
