I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
