she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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