Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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