I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
