I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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