she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
