My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
