The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
