the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
