Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
