I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
