i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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