you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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