My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
