i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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