There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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