So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
