My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
