Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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